The Missing Manual

How many times have you heard one of your male friends announce that their wife just doesn't come with a manual? And the anecdotes we contribute regarding toothpaste and toilet seats are met with silly grins and knowing nods. As a collective, we men just can't seem to figure out the female species. Some of us have even suggested that there isn't any real point in trying. Like asking for directions, when it comes to our marriages it seems like we'd rather just wing it — with very discouraging results.

But there is an often overlooked manual. It's possible that you have one, tucked away on a shelf in the basement or stuck in a box in the attic. It's called the Bible. And I suggest that if you're truly interested in discovering how 'she' ticks, take it out. Dust it off and dig in.

You may have some preconceived ideas about what the Bible says about her and your role in her life. And as you read this, you might be expecting me to pull out that favorite passage of all time on submission and really bring it home. But before you get too relaxed and settled in, let me tell you, I'm not going there. That's her side of the manual. Written to her in her language.

Our instructions begin on a different page in Ephesians.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, people have never hated their own bodies, but they feed and care for them, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself…

And James reminds us with a warning and a promise:

if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.

Instructions
1. Begin to love. I'm not a psychologist, but I know I can't follow my feelings. I can't feel my way into behaving. But I certainly can behave my way into feeling. I don't have to feel loving to love. I can choose to love, and do something that demonstrates that love. Guess what? The feelings follow. It works every time.

2. Love more. At this point you will discover your own motives. You began to love. Ha! Are you sure? I've found that if I'm endeavoring to love — with an ulterior motive — I will quickly discover that really wasn't the sacrificial love described in the manual. That love doesn't have motive other than to bless. Continually.

3. Keep loving. Sacrificial love doesn't end. It doesn't run out. It doesn't keep score or tabs. It loves anyway. What does the word sacrificial mean? Ultimately it means death. This is what it means to love the way Christ loved the Church. It means a willingness to climb up on the cross to die. When you love sacrificially, it means you continually put yourself out there. Unprotected. And then you do it all again. And again. And... You get the picture.

Men, if we really want to know and understand our wives, we must give the manual more than just a casual five minute glance. We must be willing to make the serious commitment to follow through. No matter what.

Following this set of instructions is not easy. it's probably why most of us would rather wing it. It requires purpose, dedication, desire, humility and patience.

But it's time for us to step across the threshold to be a doer, love our wives the way the manual maintains — and we will find that we understand her on a deeper level than we ever thought possible. We will have sincere care, concern, and a desire to see her become the person she was meant to be in Christ. With that kind of love she will become radiant.

And we will also discover the truth of 1 Corinthians 13. That kind of love never fails.

PS. I love you Shirley.

Pressed Out of Measure

Once in a while I come across a song or poem that grabs my attention. The following was one which my mom encouraged me with recently and it speaks to me deeply. What experiences did this unknown author go through in order to express and articulate both the pain and the joy that comes from submitting to Christ in the most difficult circumstances?

Not only can I identify with the first verse in my own experience, but I also recognize something else. My perspective has shifted — and I find myself presently discovering the deeper truths of the second verse.

Here is the song: Pressed Out of Measure


Pressed beyond measure and pressed to all length;
Pressed so intensely, it seems beyond strength;
Pressed in the body, and pressed in the soul;
Pressed in the mind, till the dark surges roll.
Pressure by foes, and pressure by friends -
Pressure on pressure, till life nearly ends.

Pressed into knowing no helper but God;
Pressed into loving the staff and the rod.
Pressed into liberty where nothing clings;
Pressed into faith for impossible things.
Pressed into living a life in the Lord;
Pressed into living a Christ-life outpoured.


Please share a song or poem that has spoken to in your own walk with the Lord.

Learning Lessons

My wife just finished reading a book entitled Humility: True Greatness — by C.J. Mahaney

It had impacted her, she said. Which made me curious. Finally, the other day, I got around to asking her about it. I found her at the sink, up to her elbows in dishes. Singing along with the music in the background.

"Well, it's the reason I have the music on," She told me. "That book has helped me to see that staying in the discouragement of my situation is really just pride, and if I stay in my selfish pride — then God resists me," She set a dish in the drainer and continued.

"I put the music on so I would stop being discouraged and begin to share His thoughts."

I could hear "Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet," playing softly. And I marveled at the lessons the Lord had been teaching her.

They seemed somehow familiar.

seeing The Man about a horse

With an uncooperative computer and whiny kids, I was smack in the middle of a frustrating morning when it took another turn for the worse.

Honey was out. And I put my work on hold to go catch a horse.

As I searched for her, I shared my list with the Lord. That sweet honey of a thing is anything but. She's mean. Unruly. Unsubmissive. I aired my feelings of injustice, self-preserving righteousness, and why me? Complaining.

My self-talk went nowhere. If I wasn't careful this was going to set the mood for the rest of my day. All because of a stupid horse!

"She's a lot like you."

The thought came out of nowhere. Certainly not the Holy Spirit.

"She is, you know. She wants to do her own thing. She doesn't want to be fenced in. She doesn't want to submit. Do you?"

"Lord?" the truth of what He had whispered slowly dawning.

"Yes, I'm a lot like her," I agreed tentatively, shaking the bucket of grain I was carrying and calling to her.

Where was she? I didn't know. But as I searched, I also recognized that the Lord was also searching for me. Calling out to me. Caring. Wanting me to come.

"Lord?" I began. "I'm consciously thanking you in the middle of this. It was tentative at first, like priming a pump. Pulling and pushing, until praises spilled forth and worship began. Soon I recognized that I was no longer under the situation. But far above it.

All because I saw The Man about a horse.

I Am a Soldier

Author unknown

I am a soldier in the army of God.
The Lord Jesus Christ is my Commanding Officer.
The Holy Bible is my code of conduct.
Faith, Prayer, and the Word are my weapons of Warfare.
I have been taught by the Holy Spirit,
trained by experience, tried by adversity,
and tested by fire.

I am a volunteer in this army, and I am enlisted for eternity.

I will either retire in this Army or die in this Army;
but, I will not get out, sell out, be talked out, or pushed out.
I am faithful, reliable, capable, and dependable.
If my God needs me, I am there.

I am a soldier. I am not a baby.
I do not need to be pampered, petted, primed up,
pumped up, picked up, or pepped up.
I am a soldier. No one has to call me, remind me,
write me, visit me, entice me, or lure me.

I am a soldier. I am not a wimp.
I am in place, saluting my King, obeying His orders,
praising His name, and building His kingdom!
No one has to send me flowers,
gifts, food, cards, candy, or give me handouts.
I do not need to be cuddled, cradled, cared for, or catered to.
I am committed. I cannot have my feelings
hurt bad enough to turn me around.

I cannot be discouraged enough to turn me aside.
I cannot lose enough to cause me to quit.
When Jesus called me into this Army, I had nothing.
If I end up with nothing, I will still come out even. I will win.
My God will supply all my needs. I am more than a conqueror.
I will always triumph. I can do all things through Christ.
Devils cannot defeat me. People cannot disillusion me.
Weather cannot weary me. Sickness cannot stop me.
Battles cannot beat me. Money cannot buy me.
Governments cannot silence me, and hell cannot handle me!

I am a soldier.
Even death cannot destroy me.
For when my Commander calls me from this battlefield,
He will promote me to a captain.
I am a soldier, in the Army, I'm marching, claiming victory.
I will not give up. I will not turn around.


There are four kinds of soldiers:
1. Active Duty: Serving the Lord faithfully, daily, and on duty 24-7-365.
2. Reserve Status: Serving only when called upon,
or twice a year: Christmas and Easter.
3. Guard Status: Backing up the Active Duty group.
4. AWOL! Absent With Out the Lord.

Which kind are you?